Lately I have been asking myself why I am in a relationship. It certainly does not make me happy. As far as I can see my current relationship presents all the signs that I should stop seeing my partner. Going on separate ways would be the logical thing to do. But when the heart and the mind want two different things, it isn’t easy. Not at all!
When I first met Diane, I fell in love with her wild spirit. I never fall for the looks. Beauty’s fading fast and it is not a good judge of character. That’s what my dad use to tell me when I started to date girls. I am not saying she’s not an attractive woman. Oh, no! She has it all! She’s not that type of Hollywood fake beauty. She’s beautiful inside and outside.
What I really look for in a woman is a funny companion, not an insecure, needy or too posh. Not my type. I like independent women who know what they want and have no problem tackling any topic. Until half a year ago, things were working out well for us. Then, all of the sudden we started to move in different directions. Or at least that’s how I saw it.
We no longer go to the movies together, nor go for walks. I don’t think that there are a lot of activities that we do together. The only things that come to my mind are the badminton, the swimming class and seeing our friends on Friday evening, when we play poker. Other than that, it feels like we live in different worlds.
I tried talking with her about it, but she reassured me that it was only me imagining things. She was not seeing it the same way as me. She said that the only thing that had changed was that she was working longer hours. Except that, everything was the same.
After she convinced me I was wrong, I still felt a bit uncomfortable, but I tried not to think about it too much. I told myself that she was tired and needed to rest; therefore I tried to give her as much space as I could.
One day I heard her speaking on the phone with someone. The tone of her voice and her giggling reminded me of the first days when I met her. I loved listening to her giggling as a teenager. Once she was done with her phone conversation I asked her who she was talking with. She replied shortly that it was a colleague from work. Then she switched the conversation to another topic. Her answer sounded a bit forced and made me thing if there was something that she was hiding from me.
Later on, while she was asleep her phone rang. I did not answer it. Though I saw that the caller was “Sail awning longueuil”. I had no idea who that was. When I turned on her phone, I noted the earlier call was from the same contact “sail awnings”, not a work colleague, as she had mentioned. That very moment I felt like an idiot. I hated myself for checking her phone. I hated myself for being taken for a fool.